How to Spot Mental Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It

Mental abuse is a bit trickier than verbal abuse. Mental abuse is a pattern of behavior or speech that makes you feel you are being played with, controlled, and intimidated. When you are the victim of mental abuse, you find yourself feeling more and more insecure, less and less vibrant, and more confused; you feel as if you need to ask your partner for permission to do things, buy things, go places. You may even feel that you need to ask permission in regard to your spiritual preferences.

Mental abuse occurs when you are told what to do and when to do it, when you are ordered around as if you were in a prison camp. Mental abuse often comes disguised. For example, the abuser may conveniently have amnesia and twist facts to suit his preferences. Even though you know what you are talking about, the abuser tells you that you are wrong. Or the abuser may say he will do such-and-such, never do it, and then say he doesn't remember telling you he would do the thing to begin with.

To put it in a nutshell, mental abuse has you scratching your head and wondering if you are losing your mind. You wonder if it's you, if maybe you're making a lot of mistakes and hearing things incorrectly.

How to Spot Mental Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It

The truth is that when you feel this way, when you find that you consistently question your sanity, you are being mentally abused.

Control, manipulation, intimidation, convenient amnesia, harassment, threats, all of these are mental abuse. They threaten your peace of mind, your sanity. And one day you look at yourself and think you need psychotherapy. This is the effect of mental abuse. It causes insanity.

I was giving a tele-seminar one evening based on my book Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE. One participant asked, "Isn't it okay to take just a little abuse? I mean, no one is perfect." To which I replied, "I am going to answer your question with a question. If you put your hand in a pot of boiling water, take your hand out so that it can heal, and then put just one finger back into the boiling water, is that okay? I mean, it's just one finger--not the whole hand."

No! It is not okay to tolerate abuse at all, any more than it is okay to put one finger into a pot of boiling water. Abuse hurts!

Abuse cannot be tolerated at all. You cannot make or accept excuses because with excuses, you allow the abuse to continue. You must leave the situation entirely. There is no other way.

Here's the second real-life situation. I had a client who felt there was a wall between her husband and her. There was no passion in bed; it was like living with a roommate. He would say unkind (read abusive) comments to her, but she felt this was not all that bad. They did not have open, honest, and genuine communication. They were just going through the motions in their marriage, which was only a shell of what they had had years earlier. Through our private sessions, my client came into her truth. She began to honor her needs and acknowledge how she felt when her husband spoke to her in a demeaning manner. After a number of weeks had passed, she began to feel her genuine worth, dignity, and self-love rise to the surface. As a result, she was ready to leave the marriage. Then her husband did a complete about-face. They shared their feelings from their hearts, they consciously re-created their relationship, the abusive comments ceased permanently, and their marriage was re-ignited into a conscious union of two people who dearly loved each other and were equally committed to making their love flourish.

Here is the catch. For an abusive pattern to change, you have to change. You have to take personal responsibility to never allow yourself to be spoken down to. It is you who has to create healthy boundaries to protect your self-esteem, and at the first sign of abuse you must make it clear that you will not tolerate it. If the relationship is new, the first sign of abuse needs to be the last sign; you should make skid marks as you take off in the opposite direction.

If the abuse is a pattern in a long-term relationship, you must disengage yourself from having contact with the abusive person.

Guess what will happen? Once your self-esteem has increased and you create your new boundaries, you will naturally attract people into your life who would never dream of degrading you in any way.

Now, I created this book to help you go through your own personal transformation. Will it be easy? No. It will not be easy. Personal transformation is one of the most difficult, scariest experiences a person can face. It is an experience that will cause you to feel shaken up until the inner transformation is made.

What is required? Being completely honest with yourself. This is the vital key to personal transformation. Remember: if I could do it, so can you.

Chapter excerpt © Copyright by Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved from the book Know Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence. Published by The Rose Group (January 2005) ISBN: 0974145742

How to Spot Mental Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It
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Barbara Rose, Ph.D. is the best selling author of nine books including If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!, Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE, and Know Yourself. She is an internationally recognized expert in personal transformation, relationships, consciousness and spiritual awakening, and a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the nondenominational study and integration of humanity's God Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Dr. Rose is known for providing life changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide as the Founding Director Institute of Higher Self Communication. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, spiritual intensives, teleseminars, webcasts, and internationally published articles have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe. Dr. Rose works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Web: BornToInspire.com

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Learn More About Freight Brokers & the Trucking Industry

If you are not familiar with the freight broker and trucking industries, you may be surprised. They are big businesses that offer many opportunities for people, just like you and me, to make big bucks. Is this for everyone? No, but if you are willing to dedicate the time to learning about these industries, making contacts, hunting down leads, and providing good customer service, then these industries may offer that perfect work-at-home job you've been looking for ... as a freight broker.

Just what is a Freight Broker?

A freight broker is the middle man between a shipper who needs something shipped and a motor carrier who will transport the cargo. When a company has products that need to be shipped, they will sometimes hire a freight broker to find a motor carrier that meets their needs, requirements, and budget goals. This saves the managers and supervisors of these companies time, since they don't have to find carriers themselves, and they can focus their energies on something else. If a broker does well in finding reliable carriers, the shipper company may hire the broker to take care of all their shipping needs.

Learn More About Freight Brokers & the Trucking Industry

Freight Brokers are in High Demand

The freight industry is a large one that brings in billions of dollars per year. There are many players within this industry and many ways to make money from it. Freight brokering is just one of those many ways and there is always a steady demand for new brokers. If you target your clients right and do a good job providing excellent service, there is no limit to what a freight broker can do in this industry.

How to Break Into Freight Brokering

Almost anyone can easily break into the freight brokering industry; all it really takes is a willingness and dedication to learning everything that you can about the trucking industry, shippers, and brokers. Taking comprehensive training on freight brokering will really help you streamline all of the available information, so that you can narrow it down to exactly what you need to know in order to be a broker.

For the most successful brokers, however, the learning process never ends ... even after they have completed their courses and have begun their career as a freight broker. Remember, the more you know, the more effective broker you will be.

Learn More About Freight Brokers & the Trucking Industry
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Author Bio:

John is the sole owner and president of Atex Freight Broker Training, Inc. He trains individuals over the telephone and Internet to become fully self-employed freight brokers or broker agents. John is a certified public accountant by profession with over 25 years' experience working with small business startups.

To learn more about the freight broker industry, you may download John's free eBook "Introduction to Freight Brokering" from his website at: http://www.atexfreightbrokertraining.com

You may also view John's blog, "John Thomas on Freight Brokering" at http://www.freightbrokeringblog.com

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How Can H Pylori Cause Anxiety and Depression?

It is well known that H. pylori can cause digestive symptoms such as heartburn, reflux, bloating, nausea and vomiting. However, the knock on effects of bacterial and parasitic infections can be profound and may cause seemingly unrelated symptoms.

Research has clearly shown that H. pylori can cause vitamin B12 deficiency and iron deficiency anaemia.

Typically, in medical research other nutrients are not studied. However nutritionists who use advanced laboratory testing techniques commonly see deficiencies in vitamin B1, B2, B3, B5 and B6 when patients have digestive infections. It is also not uncommon to see amino acid and fatty acid insufficiencies.

How Can H Pylori Cause Anxiety and Depression?

If the body becomes nutritionally depleted as a result of H. pylori and other digestive infections, symptoms can develop elsewhere in the body.

For example, amino acids are required for the production of thyroid hormone and the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin. B6 is required for the formation of dopamine. If these chemicals are low in the body, depression, anxiety and fatigue can easily set in.

Typically SSRI antidepressant drugs will be prescribed in these situations but the key to successful treatment is actually to ensure the gut is functioning properly. This means removing H. pylori, other infections and ensuring proper digestion and absorption of nutrients.

Convenient and inexpensive urine testing can be employed to evaluate nutritional status and short-term supplementation can be used to replenish specific nutrient levels.

It is known that H. pylori and other digestive infections cause inflammation in the digestive tract. H. pylori is well known as a major cause of gastritis.

Inflammation always requires an anti-inflammatory response. The body's anti-inflammatory hormones are cortisol and cortisone. High levels of inflammation lead to higher than normal levels of cortisol. Because cortisol is a stimulatory hormone, high levels can lead to anxiety and panic.

An increased demand for cortisol also leads to a reduction in the sex hormones - progesterone, oestrogen and testosterone. Imbalances in these hormones can cause a multitude of symptoms, including depression, anxiety, irritability, fatigue, period pains, acne and more.

If the H. pylori is not dealt with and the inflammation continues, the cortisol levels will start to drop as the adrenal glands where it is made become fatigued. Low cortisol can also cause mood symptoms.

Doctors tend to overlook digestive infections as a cause of mood problems but the reality is that if a patient cannot absorb nutrients and has imbalanced hormones, mental and emotional symptoms are almost inevitable.

How Can H Pylori Cause Anxiety and Depression?
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If you are struggling with unexplained mood symptoms such as depression, anxiety, PMS, PMDD, take a look at http://www.h-pylori-symptoms.com. You may want to join one of our free global teleseminars so that you can personally ask me your burning questions.

Dave Hompes makes it easy for people to beat Helicobacter Pylori, heartburn, ulcers & digestive pain. You can download the first three chapters of his ebook Overcoming H Pylori Naturally absolutely free by visiting: http://www.h-pylori-symptoms.com.

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What Font Should You Use For Your Book?

One of the most common questions asked by would-be self-publishers who are intent on designing and typesetting their book themselves is, "What font should I use?"

I'm always relieved when somebody asks the question. At least, it means they're not just blindly going to use the ubiquitous default fonts found in most word processing programs.

However, there is almost no way to answer the question. It's like asking, "What's the best car model for commuting to work everyday?"

What Font Should You Use For Your Book?

You'll get a different answer from almost everyone you ask. And they might all be correct.

I am willing to offer one hard-and-fast rule, however: don't use Times New Roman or Times Roman. That will brand your book as the work of an amateur at first glance. And there are other, very practical, reasons for not using it. Times Roman and Times New Roman were designed for the narrow columns of newspapers, originally for the London Times back in the 1930s. Today, almost no newspapers still use it. How, or why, it became a word processing standard, I have no idea. The font tends to set very tight, making the text block on the page dense and dark.

Here are two caveats before proceeding to few recommendations:
The typeface you choose may depend on how your book will be printed. If you look closely at most serif fonts (like Times), you will notice that there are thick and thin portions of each letter. If your book will be printed digitally, you should steer away from fonts with segments that are very thin. They tend to become too faint and affect readability. Don't get carried away with the thousands of font choices available. Most are specialty fonts suitable for titles, headlines, advertising, emotional impact, etc. And never use more than a very few fonts in a single book -- we usually choose one serif font for the main text body, a sans serif for chapter titles and headings within the chapters. Depending on the book, we may select a third font for captions on photos, graphics, tables, etc. (or maybe just a different size, weight, or style of one of the other two). We may select a specialty font for use on the front cover for the title and subtitle.

For 90% of books, any of the following fonts are excellent choices:
Palatino Linotype Book Antiqua (tends to set tight, so you may have to loosen it up a bit) Georgia Goudy Old Style Adobe Garamond Pro (tends to have a short x-height, so it might seem too small in typical sizes) Bookman (the name sort of gives it away, doesn't it?) Century Schoolbook (tends to be a bit wide, creating extra pages)

You need to look at several paragraphs of each font to see what, if any, adjustments you may find necessary in things like character spacing and kerning. You want to avoid little confusions, like:
"vv" (double v) that looks like the letter "w" "cl" (c l) that looks like the letter "d"

Such things can make the reading experience annoying.

If you ask other designers, you will likely get other suggestions, but I wouldn't be surprised to see at least some of the above included in their recommendations.

You may run across some books with more unusual font choices, but there are often good reasons for it. Maybe the book is a humor book for which the designer chose a lighthearted font, for example. Such decisions should be made with care and thoughtful consideration for the effects on readability.

Never decide on your font or font size based only on viewing how it looks on your monitor. Most trade paperback books are printed in 10 or 11 point size, but some fonts require larger - or even smaller - sizes. If 12 points looks too big and 11 too small, you can try 11.5 - no need to stick with integer sizes. You might be surprised how much difference a half-point (or even a quarter-point) can make on the overall "feel" of the page.

You also have to decide on appropriate leading (pronounced like the metal), which is the distance from the baseline of one line of text to the baseline for the next line, measured in points. The result is usually expressed as a ratio of the font size in points to the selected leading in points. So, you might say you have set the body text in Georgia 11/14 or Bookman 10/12.5 (11-point size with 14 points leading and 10-point size with 12.5 points leading, respectively).

Word processing programs tend to work in decimal inches, forcing you to convert leading from points into inches. A standard point is equal to 0.0138 inches. Professional typesetting/layout programs (like Adobe InDesign) allow you to use points and picas to define all type measurements and settings. although you can also specify those settings in various other units (including inches).

Typically, book designers will develop more than one design for each book's interior, using different fonts, sizes, and leadings. They should typeset a few pages of the actual manuscript and print them out with the same page settings they plan to use in the final book (e.g., 6" x 9" pages). This allows the client to compare them side-by-side and evaluate them for readability and overall look.

And don't forget your target audience. Very young readers and very old readers do better with larger type. Books that are very textually dense with long paragraphs frequently need more leading and a wider font.

Ultimately, you have to choose based on what your gut reaction is to the typeset samples. It never hurts to ask other people to read it and tell you if one option is easier to read than another.

If you want to gain an appreciation for typography and how to make appropriate design decisions, I recommend the following excellent books:

The Complete Manual of Typography by James Felici

The Elements of Typographic Style by Robert Bringhurst

Book Design and Production by Pete Masterson

For those who insist on using Microsoft Word to typeset books, you really should buy and study Perfect Pages by Aaron Shepard. He is the reigning guru of how to do it.

It is far better to buy professional layout software and then learn all you can about typography and how to apply those principles to book design...or to hire a professional to do for you. The latter course will leave you more time to develop a dynamic marketing plan for your latest book and start writing your next one!

What Font Should You Use For Your Book?
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Walt Shiel is the Managing Partner and Publishing Mentor at Five Rainbows Services for Authors & Publishers, a subsidiary of Slipdown Mountain Publications where he serves as Publisher. Besides offering a full range of affordable publishing solutions, Five Rainbows can tailor a mentoring program to help you achieve your specific goals for your book! And be sure to check out Walt's View From the Publishing Trenches blog.

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How To Write A Book And Get Published - What You Must Know

Want to write a book? You can. You start writing, and you keep going. At around 80,000 words, you've got yourself a book. Now what? You sell the book to a major publisher, hit the bestseller lists, and order your new cherry-red Ferrari.

That's how writing a book and getting published works. But if you try to follow that process - just sit down and start typing - the chances that you'll sell the book are slim. To sell your book you need to know the kind of book you're writing before you start, and also whether there's an audience for that kind of book. It sounds unfair, but in order to sell your book, you have to prove to the publisher that people will want to read it.

What Kind of Book are You Writing?

How To Write A Book And Get Published - What You Must Know

Most new authors start on their book writing and publishing adventure by reading a book and getting inspired. They don't think about the kind of book they're writing, or who would want to read it.

There are basically two kinds of books: truth and lies, otherwise known as nonfiction and fiction (novels). Some hundred thousand books are published in English each year, both nonfiction and novels. You must know what kind of book you're writing before you start.

Let's imagine that you've read a Harry Potter novel, and you're so enthusiastic that you're inspired to write your own children's novel. The words pour out of you; you're on fire. You write and write and write, and the pages pile up on your computer's hard drive.

This is great. While you're writing, ask yourself: "In a bookstore, where would this book of mine be shelved?"

If you're not sure, go to a bookstore and wander around the shelves. Is your book in the nonfiction section? In the children's section? In the romance novel or mystery section?

If you're inspired by Harry Potter, you know you're writing a children's novel. Imagine your book on the shelves, right beside the rows of Harry Potters.

This isn't an idle exercise, or a fantasy. You must know what you're writing, so please visit that bookstore. "What is it?" is the first thing an agent will want to know when you contact her to represent your book. It's also the first thing an editor at a publishing house will want to know.

So, what are you writing? If you don't know, or aren't sure, think about it and visit a bookstore if you need to. You can write a book and get published if you know what you're writing, and who will want to read it.

How To Write A Book And Get Published - What You Must Know
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Discover how YOU can write a book and sell it with Angela Booth’s Just Write a Book Blog at http://www.justwriteabook.com/blog/ Angela helps you with the writing process, and demystifies the publishing trade. Read Angela’s blog, and subscribe to her popular freelance writing ezine, Fab Freelance Writing Ezine at [http://fabfreelancewriting.com/ezine/fab-freelance-writing-ezine.html] Yes, you can become a published author: imagine YOUR book stacked on the shelves in bookstores. If you want to write a book, you can.

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Teleseminars - 5 Tips On How To Prepare Your Curriculum So That Your Students Learn

Preparing your curriculum for your teleseminar does not need to be a tedious task. Instead, look at this preparation time as an opportunity to share ideas with your students. Have them ask their questions on your topic in advance so that you will be able to incorporate the answers to the questions into your study guide. Here are 5 tips on how to prepare a lesson and a study guide to use on your teleseminars.

Choose a topic for which you have a high level of knowledge or expertise. It is much better to teach your students about something that you know extremely well. Ask them to submit their questions far in advance so you will know what kind of information they need. When you develop a curriculum that answers their specific questions they will feel more connected to you as a teacher. Do some extra research on your topic before you prepare the study guide. You want to make sure you are up to date with the latest information. It is your duty and obligation as a teacher to give your students the best and most recent information on the topic you will be teaching. Follow the same format for your study guide each week. Your regular students will get used to the way you prepare the guide and may be thrown off if you keep changing the appearance and feel of the study guide. Follow the guide as you are teaching the lesson on your teleseminar. You may ask them to look at a different page, but always get back to the page you were on and follow it through completely.

You will also want to allow for some flexibility in your lesson. If people do not have very many questions at the end of your teleseminar, be prepared to give them another piece of information that will be of value to them as they study the material you have presented to them.

Teleseminars - 5 Tips On How To Prepare Your Curriculum So That Your Students Learn

Teleseminars - 5 Tips On How To Prepare Your Curriculum So That Your Students Learn
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And now I invite you to join me for free weekly teleseminars that will teach you how to write, market, and sell your ebook to increase your visibility, credibility and passive income by visiting http://www.EbookWritingandMarketingSecrets.com

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The 5 C's of Credit

Are you ready for the home loan process? Knowing the 5 Cs of credit will help you understand just what your lender is looking for. We'll let you take an inside peek at the training tips we give to the loan officers who come to Complete Mortgage Processing for help:

Credit Character - In analyzing a borrower's credit history, you first need to have a goal in mind. The goal should be to confirm that the borrower's history meets or exceeds the credit guidelines for the product/program you wish to have the loan underwritten to. In making the confirmation, you should consider these factors separately as not meeting any one of them could drop the borrower into a lower credit grade. Compare the credit report to the lender's underwriting matrix or underwriting guidelines to evaluate the following:

The FICO score - Is it within an acceptable range for the loan program? How does the lender determine the score -the lower of two or the middle of three?

The 5 C's of Credit

The mortgage payment history - Is the number of late payments at or below the lender's standard?

The number and characteristic of each open trade lines:

The quantity - Are there enough traditional credit trade lines? If not, is alternative credit allowed. If so, what are the documentation requirements for alternative credit sources?The installment/revolving account payment history - Is the number of late payments at or below that stated standard?The installment/revolving account age or seasoning - Does the account meet the aging requirement -12 months, 24 months, etc.
The installment/revolving account credit limit - Does the account meet the required standard for credit line limit?

Here is an example of a lender's trade line requirements:Minimum of 3 trade lines, 1 year established, with 1 credit line of ,000 or more

Public records - Are there any? Were they disclosed? What is the status? How will they affect the underwriting decision?

Social security number(s) - Are they consistent with the information disclosed on the 1003?

Derogatory credit - Other derogatory credit. Can we document the status? Has it been satisfied or will it be satisfied on or before closing?Inquiries -How many have there been in the past 6 months?

Duplicate entries - Can you confirm that it is in fact a duplicate? Can you get it removed prior to underwriting submission?

Capacity - Regardless of how good a borrower's credit is, they must demonstrate the financial capacity to handle the debt. Reviewing the borrower's past income and employment history is the best indicator of the ability to handle future debt. The following items should be considered when analyzing your borrower's capacity:

Stability -Has the borrower's employment remained stable for two or more years? Has it been in the same or a related field? Does the income fluctuate or is it consistent?

Income Type -What is the nature of the borrower's income? Is it wages, commission, or other? What is the frequency? Is it on a regular recurring schedule or is it seasonal? Is it bonus income tied to performance and therefore not guaranteed? If it is from a source other than traditional employment, how long will it continue?

Income amount - Is it adequate to cover the proposed new debt? Does the income show a pattern of decreasing or declining?

Capital -The capital that the borrower has on hand for down payment, closing costs, and/or reserves will impact your product choice. It will also impact underwriting. In the last module, we made note of the type of funds that are considered to be "liquid assets". In reviewing capital, consider them as the underwriter would:

Ownership - Does the borrower have full or limited access to the disclosed capital/assets? If not, what portion is available for the loan transaction?

Access/Liquidity - Are the funds liquid now or will they be soon? Is the borrower fully or partially vested? Are there penalties for withdrawal? Will the disbursement process be complete prior to the approval/rate lock expiration?

Amount - Is it enough to meet the requirements for down payment, closing costs, or cash reserves? Being able to answer the questions "Whose is it?" "How much is it?" and "When can they get it?" will help you evaluate your borrower's capital.

Conditions - An underwriter looks at the many documents in the loan file to determine if there are any disclosed or undisclosed factors that might adversely affect the borrower or subject property. A few considerations include:

Employment at a place that has had a public announcement of shutting down.A recently awarded divorce settlement where the borrower has to payout significant proceeds or will have a high alimony/support payment.A lawsuitAn adverse change in the industry that the borrower is employed inAn adverse change in the area where the subject property is located
Collateral - A loan is secured using the subject property as collateral. Since the property is the lender's protection against default, it must be structurally sound and functional. When evaluating the collateral, an underwriter considers:

Features -Are the features and style of the home consistent with what is available in the area?

Functionality -Is the home functional or has it been rendered obsolete by outdated features and capability.

Condition - Is the home structurally sound and visually appealing? Is the home inhabitable or is it a dangerous contraption. Is the home complete as is or will renovations be required?

Property type/Use - Is it residential or commercial? Is it owner occupied or is it a rental unit. Is it vacant or occupied?

After carefully and cautiously looking at all of these items and how they stack up to established guidelines. The underwriter should he able to confidently make a credit decision.

The 5 C's of Credit
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Stephanie Graham is a mortgage trainer, coach, and consultant with more than 22 years of industry experience. Stephanie’s creation of the self-study workbook series, Loan Processor In-A-Box has allowed her to enhance the careers of mortgage professionals nationwide. With live training, teleseminars, e-courses, and newsletters, Stephanie and the team at Complete Mortgage Processing give you the resources to help you eliminate mortgage office chaos. You can register for a free e-course or training event at [http://www.completemortgageprocessing.com]

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